Growing up, I remember my Grandma having a pet squirrel in her backyard that she named Foxy. It was the cutest thing to see Foxy eat out of your hand. My Mom and Dad are now carrying on that tradition with feeding the squirrels out their back door. All summer I watched the same four or five squirrels sitting on the back porch waiting for their peanuts to be thrown out the back door. They’ve even gone as far as climbing on the screen waiting to be fed.

It is so cute how they wait to be fed.  And when I went for a visit last weekend, I swear those squirrels were the size of raccoons.  It is just the cutest thing ever.

But I’ll never get to have a pet squirrel because of you know who…Eww…

Mark:  What are you doing with that bread?

Jody:  Going out back to feed the squirrels.

Mark:  You don’t want to attract all those squirrels, they’ll get in the garden.  And they’ve been eating my bird seed.

Jody:  Oh so you can feed the birds but I can’t feed the squirrels.

I’ll never have a pet squirrel.

But if I did, he’d probably be able to do this…

I wonder if that squirrel had anything to do with that bandage on her finger?

Have a wonderful weekend all. My hunter will be out in the woods so … umm … I’m off to buy some peanuts.

I will be the first to admit that sometimes my humor may border smart@ss. Sometimes I just can’t help myself. It just slips out. I tell myself don’t say it but I say it. Then I shouldn’t have said it and regret saying it. But this time I swear on my fake 6 point deer that I was trying to be genuinely funny. And I really thought it was funny. But others didn’t think so.

It all started when I was minding my own business on Twitter when my dearest friend @jelo45110, aka The Legend – Dr. Love, who writes Looking Out My Front Door and Clique Clack Food said …

Why is it that every time I get home from hunting I see reports of people spotting Bigfoot in the area I was hunting? I never see Bigfoot.

Then I very nicely said…

Maybe they think you are Bigfoot???

Well … people mistake people all the time.  And even though I’ve never met Jelo, I’ve seen pictures and he does have a hairy beard and he looks like he’s a big guy. And I know if I ever did go in the spooky woods, I just know I’d see Bigfoot and then Mark would yell, “That’s a damn squirrel.”

So Jelo responded with…

Are you saying I look like a big hairy ape? I never knew you could be so mean. LOL

And then he said…

Well I thought I was the man, the myth the legend too, but @thehunterswife says I am just a big hairy ape.

And it went downhill from there. I tried apologizing many times.  I needed forgiveness.  But his only response was …

@thehunterswife Eventually I will forgive you, but I will never forget.

And you all wonder why I eat cupcakes.

So later I said…

Dear Santa, I am loving these boots from Hanksclothing.

And he said…

After calling me a big hairy ape I don’t think you have been good enough for the boots from @Hanksclothing

Dear Santa, I’m sorry I called Dr. Love, Bigfoot.  Even though he has a big hairy beard.  But I’m the big hairy beast with a big mouth.  He is a beautiful man that is always kind to everyone.  He even invited my husband to come hunt elk with him knowing I am trapped at home with him until December 31.  So if you only bring me razors and soap for Christmas, I understand. Because that is all I deserve until Jelo forgives me.

Have a good day all … I need to go shave and have a talk with Mr. Soap.

I would never consider myself a bossy hunter’s wife. Or a bossy wife in general. I don’t tell my husband how to do things or what to do. I would never say, “You are not going hunting this weekend” or “You are not allowed to go hunting anymore” or “Please don’t go hunting this weekend I’ll miss you.”  hahahaha No, that’s not me.  I don’t talk like that.

Until my hunter called with the news…

Jody: Hello.

Mark: I got a buck.

Jody: You did. (Oh my big bad hunter got a buck. Bouncing.  Can’t wait to write about it.)

Mark: A 6 pointer.

Jody: Huh?

Mark: It’s a nice buck.

Jody: Did you say 16 pointer?

Mark: Noooo a 6 pointer.

Silence

Mark: You there?

WT? Did he just say 6 pointer? ‘Cause my big bad hunter would never shoot a 6 pointer. Oh why oh why would he shot a 6 pointer. He won’t mount a 6 pointer.  That buck has many pointy things to go yet. He’s just a young man in the land of the forestville. I’m baffled. He’s been hunting for over 35 years.  It wasn’t trigger happy.  He took it with a bow.  And in Indiana you are only allowed one buck. What on god’s green earth in the land of the hoofyhood was he thinking?

Hell, I bet my 6 pointer is probably bigger.

I do have an outdoor blog reputation to uphold.

Crying.

I had big plans this hunting season.

But not now.

My hunting season is over.

No love movies, no pizza, no living in my pajamas.

He was suppose to wait it out and find that one beautiful buck.  On December 31.  The last day of the season.

He was suppose to be out in the woods enjoying the fresh air and the peacefulness of the woods. Possibly coming home with a doe every other weekend.  They aren’t hard to find around these parts.

Maybe I’ve got this whole married to a hunter thing wrong.

Maybe I’ve been too much of a good wife. Maybe I need to change my attitude.

Reverse psychology.

That’s it.  I’m going to be the nagging wife.  The wife that cries when he wants to go off hunting. The wife that can’t be left alone. The wife that will miss him.  The wife that can’t leave home without him. The wife that wears camouflage just like he does.

And I’ll show him how to pounce on a 16 pointer.

Oh dear god.

Someone please smack me.

Isn’t that a beautiful view and the perfect place to go joy riding on a four wheeler?

Have a good day all … I need a cupcake.

It’s fall and with fall comes the falling leaves and a yard full of them.  And I’m not the lawn maintenance worker of the family. I watch from a window. My husband maintains the yard and all there is involved with keeping our grass looking like carpet. Or like a football field. I don’t know what I would do if I were in charge of the yard. I’ve never used a blower. Or a edger thingymajigger.

My hunter has been away hunting for the last 4 days and I was given strict instructions to please not touch the yard. Don’t cut grass or rake leaves. Aww I’m free. No blisters or figuring out if I blow the leaves or suck them. I’ve seen it done both ways. Oh wait.  I think you can use the lawn mower to suck them up too.  See. I’m confused. Thankfully I won’t have a lawn maintenance attack. Or embarrass myself asking a neighbor how to use a blower.

But I didn’t have to. Until my hunter returned not feeling good and asked that I help rake leaves.

Jody: Huh?

Mark: I need you to help rake leaves, I’m not feeling well.

Jody: Who? Me?

Jody: But remember … I’m not allowed to touch the yard.

Dumb yard work.

This is my big stupid pile of leaves…

Mark:  Where you going?

Jody:  You want hot chocolate? I’ll go make us some. Be right back.  (Yes my way of taking a break.)

Back to raking leaves.  I was instructed by Sgt. Narantic not to leave one leaf behind.

Umm what excuse can I use now? Think think think.

Mark:  Where you going now?

Jody:  Umm … I think that hot chocolate gave me a tummy ache.

That will give me a good 15 minute break without being questioned.

Mark: Where are you going now?

Jody: I think I saw a deer on the bike trail.

Yes I made every excuse there is.  And my hunter never questioned my motives.  Not even when I headed for the bike trail.

Because, like the rake, I don’t use the bike trail.

I eat cupcakes.

Well &*^% … Have a good day all … Sgt. Narantic just walked in. Got to go.

Thank you all for entering the Aeon Meridian Chocolate novelty contest.

We have a winner!

The question was:

If you were to find me in a deer blind, what would I be doing in one?

Mark calling my cell:  Where are you?

Jody: Over by the deer blinds.

Mark:  I don’t see you.

Jody:  I see you.

Jody:  You are getting warmer.

Mark:  Where are you?

Jody:  Boo!

Yes I’m 5.  And yes I was hiding out in a deer blind.

And …

Painting my nails.

And for the love of a hair brush. Looks like I should have been brushing my hair in there instead.

Congratulations #2 Mary.  You are the winner.  Please email me at jody @ thehunterswife . net within 48 hours to claim your prize.

Have a wonderful weekend all!

And Go Govs!

It’s Veteran’s Day and the perfect day to share with you a program that House of Jerky is running this holiday season for our troops.

I always say I’d like to do more to support our troops during the holiday season.  My brother served as a Marine as well as my husband.  I know how much it meant to both of them to receive letters and packages from home.  I also know there are so many men and women serving overseas that aren’t as fortunate and some, sadly, receive nothing.

When I heard about House of Jerky’s holiday program – ‘Jerky Up for the Troops’ – I thought this was perfect for Mark and I to do this holiday season.  And within just a few minutes my ordered was placed.

‘Jerky Up for the Troops’

From their website:  Simply purchase a 1/4 lb package of jerky to donate to our US Military overseas. As we have a long waiting list of soldiers who want to participate in this program, the House of Jerky has pledged to match all donations and cover all shipping costs. This means your $10.50 donation will provide enough jerky for 4 soldiers! This is a small price to pay, but the effect is huge. You can even include a holiday note with your purchase to say “thank you” to a soldier.

It’s Christmas time and what a wonderful way to give this holiday season.  Just think if 200 of my readers sent just 1 package, that would provide enough jerky for 800 soldiers.  How great would that be?  A simple donation of $10.50.  Some of us spend more than that on one meal.  If you’re fortunate to spend a bit more, it would greatly be appreciated.

The program ends December 5, 2009 so that all packages will be delivered in time for Christmas.

——————————————————————————————————————————————————

Last year I did a little research on our veterans and read that almost 6% of our veterans were living in poverty.  It’s sad and heartbreaking knowing those that serve to protect us are suffering so.  I would hope you find it in your heart this holiday season to give back any way you can.  Mark and I have a few boxes of old hunting jackets, warm clothing and packages of jerky I received from House of Jerky and will be dropping off at our local homeless shelter.

May God bless our veterans and those that serve to protect us and our freedom.

I’m not a shopper.  I don’t like shopping. I don’t have that female gene.  If I could order everything online I would.  Including my groceries.  If I could pay someone to do all my running, I would.

My hunter, on the other hand, is another story.  I think he has that female gene.  He will spend hours shopping.  We will spend hours at Cabelas looking at the same stuff over and over.

Mark:  Do you like this hat or that one?

Jody:  Well which one will keep you warmer?

Mark:  Well this one but it’s twice as much.

Jody:  Well just buy that one if it’s warmer.

Mark:  How about this one?

Jody:  Huh? (Does this hat make my head look big?  It’s a hat for goodness sake. We’ve been standing here for an hour.)

Mark:  Well I’m not sure.  Let’s go back and look at the gun case again while I make a decision.

Jody:  Oh &^*&^

Time for me to walk away before this slips out, “For the love of hunting, pick a ^&*&ing camo hat already. My gosh.  It’s a hat.  It’s a furry little hat to cover that bald spot of yours on the back of your head that you probably didn’t know you have and now you do.”

So it’s best I ignore it and casually sneak away to another aisle.

Or maybe I should be like the old guy that drops his wife off at the door and waits in the car smoking a cigar, napping.

Or maybe Cabelas needs a wives lounge.

Drinks on The Hunter’s Wife.

I wonder if Cabelas would let me set up a wives booth outdoors like their kettle corn vendor? I could have a big fire pit, make smores, and ummm … spike drinks … I mean have coffee.  I think wives of hunters would enjoy that.

But for now I’ll stick to hiding out in deer blinds and …

To be continued … Friday … with a picture.

Have a good day all … and Happy Birthday to our Marines … May God Bless You All!

Image credit:  I bought that while my hunter was trying on hats again.

It’s a giveaway!

Sponsored by Aeon Meridian. Your #1 source of chocolate novelty products.

The Giveaway:

One of the things that I love about running this site is that I’ve had the opportunity to share some unique gifts with my readers.  A couple of weeks ago I was contacted by Aeon Meridian about sharing their newest line of chocolate.  What is so different about this chocolate is it’s in the shape of bullets and shotgun shells and they come in these beautiful vintage collector tins for any lover of the outdoors.

The fishing vintage collector tin is filled with gummi worms.

And here is a closer look at one…

And would you have a look at the chocolate in the shape of a shotgun shell…

I love it!  So creative!

And hopefully you didn’t notice one of the missing bullets.

Because … well … I ate it.

But the set I’m giving away has never been opened.  So you’re safe.

Contest entry and rules:

Answer the following question:

If you were to find me in a deer blind like this…

What would I be doing in one?

*** Please note: I don’t hunt, I don’t wear camouflage or hang out in deer blind camouflage little love shacks. Except when I’m bored in outdoor sports stores.

That’s it … just answer that one question. What would The Hunter’s Wife do in a deer blind? And please keep it clean.

Leave your comment in the comment’s section and please one entry per person.

The first person to guess the correct answer will win a set of 4 vintage tins filled with chocolate and one with gummi worms.

The contest will run from today, November 9, 2009 – Thursday, November 12, 2009.  The winner will be announced on Friday, November, 13, 2009.  An e-mail notification will be sent and the winner must claim their prize within 48 hours or a new winner will be selected.  US residents only.

Have a good day all and good luck!

Go Govs!

I couldn’t let today pass without wishing the 2009 Morton High School football team good luck at tonight’s sectional game against Hobart High School.

Morton has had an exciting season of 10-1 and tonight’s game is an important one.

I’m a 1984 graduate of Morton and back in the day we never missed a Friday night football game.  Having played volleyball for Morton, I love high school sports. It’s exciting to see a good all around team come together like they have this year.

And it’s always exciting when your friend from back in the day has a son that is one of the quarterbacks.

Good luck Morton Governors!

Have a wonderful weekend all and good luck to all of the high school teams tonight!

Image credit:  I stole from my friend’s son – 6′6″ Andrew Glidewell – one of the quarterbacks.  Yes you heard that right.  A 6′6″ quarterback with one hell of an arm.

P.S. – Ami, my little rowdy violent cheerleader football Mom,  if I have to sit in front of you tonight, I’m wondering if the coach will let me borrow some padded gear.

Yes I am one of those wives that constantly calls her husband’s name to come to the rescue …

Mark, there’s a spider.
Mark, my duck eggs are gone.
Mark, I think I cut my finger trying to cut an onion.
Mark, I heard a noise.
Mark, I had a bad dream.
Mark, there’s a snake in the yard. Oh it’s a worm.

And he gets up every time to come to my rescue.  Even when the spider is just a piece of fuzz.

And last night…
Mark, oh dear gosh my nose is bleeding. Oh never mind it’s a butterfly on the paper towel I just used.

And today when he gets home from work…
Mark, I think I have a fever.

Yes people with germs … I think you got me sick. Now my husband will have to suffer because I’m not good at being sick. I can’t just blow my nose and go about my business bouncing around looking all cute with a little red nose.  No people, I look like the kind of chick my husband will think, what in the hell have I married. And good god woman, did you just spit a hocker like a man?  (I’m sorry if you’re eating.  But eww it’s the truth. Yuck.)

I am a HORRIBLE patient.  I can’t take medicine like normal people because it has the opposite affect on me. May cause drowsiness…oh for the love of being hyper. Except my hyper means just laying there staring at a tv because my body doesn’t want to move. I have a terrible immune system. I’ve had pneumonia twice. I was always sick when I was younger. When I’m sick I’m dead to the world in la la land and if I had flannel sheets on the bed, I could care less if I spark a bed fire. I’ve been to the emergency room for dehydration when I do nothing but drink.  Orange juice, hot tea, chicken broth…all day long.  And I end up dehydrated.

I hate getting sick because I know what it will do to my body.  And what it does to my poor knight in shining armor.

I have washed my hands, sprayed lysol, wiped down the grocery cart and it has failed me.  I won’t tell you what I said to the lady that coughed in my face at the store the other day buying cough drops.

Ok I will…

“Excuse me, did you just cough in my face without covering your mouth? I would excuse it if you were … oh … say…  FIVE.  WTF.”

Yes I was a ^&$^&.  Because I know what happens.

MARKKKKK  … I’ve been calling you for the last 10 minutes. Maybe I need a bell?

Oh Mark, I feel for you.  I really do.  I wouldn’t want to take care of me either.

Have a good day all … you may see me on the 10 o’clock news.

News at 10 – Crazy chick in store spraying people down with lysol.

“Oh Mark”  …  it will never end.

Image credit:  rachel_titiriga