I’m an indoors girl and the minute I venture out with a few outdoor women, this happens…
And I try and suck it up.
I really do.
But then I end up sitting on a boat with a sunscreen shirt wrapped around my legs.
And my outdoor idols were all probably giggling saying, “Check out the sissy hunter’s wife.”
And I think to myself why can’t I be more like my husband.
He will seriously be gushing blood and I’m all, “OMG why are you gushing blood?”
And he’s all, “Where?”
He doesn’t even realize he’s gushing blood.
After I’d faint, I’d need 225 stitches.
But if I’m ‘ganna hang with the woodsy girls, I need to pull up my big girl camouflage panties.
I need to be all …
OMG Jody, look at your leg. That looks like the poison ick.
Oh that, it’s probably just a heat rash. Calm down.
OMG Jody, you’re stepping on a snake.
As I fling it back in the woods.
OMG Jody, a squirrel is hanging from your hair.
And then I chop off the chunk of squirrel hair with my pocket knife.
And cook squirrely nut venison wraps on the campfire.
Have a good day all … and for the record, I don’t or have never owned a pocket knife. Those things are dangerous and will cut your leg off. Or your precious privates.