A couple of weeks ago my friend Kevin invited me to town to watch our local 4th of July parade. I decided not to go because it was 125 degrees outside and I’d rather lay in my bed in the air conditioned house. Then I was bored laying in my bed in my air conditioned house and decided to jump in the shower and head to the parade. The parade was only a short walking distance from my house, so I walked. In 125 degree weather sweaty walk. By the time I located Kevin I had heat exhaustion and grabbed his drink for a huge gulp. I knew it was rum and coke. But I didn’t know it was rum with a splash of coke. That will add additional body heat to an already internal temperature of hot flash mixed with 125 degrees outside dripping sweaty juicy couture wet.
THANKFULLY Kevin’s location to watch the parade was right across the street from a BAR. Hallelujah! But Kevin wanted to watch the parade.
Umm Kevin, Hello! If you’ve seen one parade you’ve seen ’em all. And I’m not kidding – I’m about to pass out. You have no idea what it feels like having a hot flash in this heat. Look at my armpits. And my makeup is melting.
(Making someone feel sorry for you has a 95% success rate of getting your way)
Ice cold beers in the ice cold bar.
So there we were sitting at the bar chatting about everything. I’ve known Kevin since high school and Kevin and I are a lot alike ~ we say it like it is. So it’s easy for Kevin to be … shall we say … helpful (critical) when it comes to me and things like my appearance.
You should color your hair darker.
You look better in red
Pink lipstick looks better on you.
Your Jordaches aren’t tight enough
You should straighten your hair.
And then I get all self-conscious and
- Color my hair darker
- Wear a red shirt
- Wear pink lipstick
- Buy smaller jeans and zip with a hanger
- And decide to try and straighten my hair
So Sunday I straighten my hair.
And then I unplugged the straightener and plugged in my hot rollers and hot rolled my hay bale hair.
How do people have gorgeous silky hair from straightening?
Beautiful soft silky straight hair …
And I’m not exaggerating.
By Monday night, it didn’t matter what I did or tried, my hair was scarecrow crispy.
I can’t imagine if I went to the beach in this 125 degree weather.
MY HAIR WOULD CATCH ITSELF ON FIRE.
Heat and fire hazard hair warning ~ if you have extra crispy hair do not go outside.
And not that I wanted to go outside looking like that anyway.
So I did what I always do when I need good sound advice …
I search Google.
So I searched for something/anything natural to help soften and repair the crispy fire hazard.
I found a site with many home remedies and settled on the egg treatment. How harmful could putting eggs on your hair be?
So I followed the online instructions:
- Scramble egg
- Work into hair
- Wrap in towel
- Leave-in for 15 minutes
- Rinse hair (do not use hot water – egg will turn into scrambled eggs – okay hahahaha)
At this point … umm … my sticky egg crispy hair looked like Barbies …
And wouldn’t lay down.
It was crispy sticky hard stuck to the heavens.
Except I wasn’t smiling.
And I was in the shower so yes, I was naked.
I washed, washed, washed and conditioned, conditioned, conditioned and it still felt sticky and crispy.
So I got out of the shower and thought maybe if I put in a leave-in conditioner, that might help.
So I tried brushing the tangled sticky mess.
Why does this stuff always happen to me?
Why can’t I just put a product in my hair, straighten it and have beautiful soft hair like a normal person.
Probably because I’m not normal.
And have crazy curly hair to begin with that isn’t manageable.
That damn Kevin!
I was talking to myself as I was ripping through my sticky tangled hair with a brush.
I’m sure this is *&*&^ helping.
And then …
I looked down at the sink and there it was.
A chunk of scrambled egg.
I now had scrambled scarecrow crispy hair.
I love your new hair color. What color is that?
Oh, I don’t know. Scarecrow scrambled yolk yellow.
Because today my hair color looks yolky yellow.
Have a good day all … Oh … I just thought of something … I did all that completely sober. That is not happening tonight when I try and find another home remedy.