My nephew is getting married in just a few weeks and for the past couple of months I’ve been searching for a dress and I haven’t found a dress. When you’re in your middle hot flash stage age, dresses are either too young or too old.
I even tried on the current trendy long dress that hangs just at the ankle and as soon as I walked out of the dressing room I said …
Who wears these? It’s like wearing a tent. You could build a damn campfire under there. Who needs matches when you have hot flashes.
I smell smoke! What’s that smell? Oh, it’s just Jody. Her dress is on fire.
So, over the past couple of months I’ve tried on dress after dress.
I’ve searched the internet for dress after dress.
I’ve been checking out chicks on Facebook hoping to say … Oh, that’s a cute perfect dress for a wedding.
And I end up saying … Oh, hon! You may think you look hot and sexy but the rest of us are wondering if you get paid by the hour. And those photos should be for your eyes only. Or your pimps.
So yesterday Thelma came over with a few dresses for a fashion show. Fail. All 5 dresses – fail.
Please note: Never have a fashion show in front of your husband. As he was sitting reading the paper with his bifocals on, he looked up and said …
Maybe you should wear pants.
And then he made me say …
Maybe you’re uninvited!
So I have 3 weeks to find a dress.
And at the current moment this is the top pick …
Except I’d need a cute long silky black scarf around my neck … to hide the double chin … and not eat for the next 3 weeks.
UGH I hate shopping!!!
Have a good day all … maybe I should wear pants. Or have a fever that day.