Yep, I sure did.  My Dad caught me smoking.  I wasn’t 15 or 18 or 21 or 25 or 28 or 30.  I was 32. 

We live very close to Lake Michigan and years ago they brought in 4 or 5 gambling boats.  It was a Friday night and I decided to take my Mom and Dad.  My Dad normally plays blackjack and my Mom and I play the slots.  Once my Dad sits down at a table, he never gets up other than to use the little boy’s room.   I am the big $20 spender and then have a few drinks and watch everyone else. 

My Mom and I were on a different floor than my Dad and I was going back and forth watching them both and walking around watching everyone else.  I finally sat down by my Mom, had my drink and lit a  cigarette.  As I sat facing the machine, with a cigarette dangling from my right hand, I hear very loudly from behind me, ”JODY ANN”.  I about flew out of my chair.  Oh for the love of deer, it’s my DAD.  He never comes looking for us.  He never leaves his blackjack chair.  When we were growing up and the dog ran away and we found him two streets over, my Dad had no idea what street that was because it wasn’t on his route to work.  How did he find his way to our slot machine area?  Especially being that it was a totally different floor.  I felt 12 again.   I slowly turned around, thinking what I would say and saw the frown on his face.   All I could think to say was…

“I’m holding it for someone.” 

Oh how I had to hear it. 

My Dad:  “That’s real funny.”  

Me:  “Well I was.”

My Dad:  “Everyone told me you smoked and I didn’t believe them.  I thought you would never be one to smoke.  You are smart enough to know better.”  He didn’t even have to say how disappointed he was because it was written all over his face.  Then he looks at my Mom and said, “You knew she smoked?”  You know when Dad’s blame Mom’s.

My Mom: “For goodness sake, she’s 32 years old.” You know when Mom’s defends kids to Dad’s. 

Me: “Can we go home now, I’m not feeling well.  That guy’s cigarette stinks.”

Yep, that was me.  The 32 year old 12 year old that got caught.  :( 

This week on The Hunter’s Wife:

• A Few Annoucements
• Now That’s A Fish
• Lunch Coordinator - I Quit
• Friday’s Goofy Googler

With Mark on bed rest we had a major dilemma. Who would cut grass? Mark could never go more than 3 days without having it cut and we all know grass cutting isn’t my thing. Although I did offer. But Mark always has a backup plan and when I got home this evening Mark’s friend Larry, who owns Meier’s Landscaping, had sent his crew over.

Larry understands what Mark’s lawn means to him. He understands that when he tells Mark not to fertilize so much Mark does anyway. He understands that even if Mark agreed to let me cut grass, he would send his guys over here anyway. He even called to make sure his guys cut it to Marks liking.

Thank you Larry. I’ll see you during hunting season when I have all those leaves to clean up.

Sunday I had to take Mark to the emergency room because he couldn’t take the pain any longer and could barely walk. This was after I tried convincing him for 2 days we need to go. I wanted nothing to do with going because of the germs, sick people and blood. I was very irritable but I had to suck it up. And was it crowded.

Family #1 - Consisted of about 12 people waiting for someone being treated. One of the men had a bloody shirt and I really tried not to look but when you try not to look, you look. Then I went over in my mind what could’ve happen. Maybe someone stabbed him or his friend and his friend is being treated. Maybe his friend was shot. Result of patient - their Mom fell out of her wheel chair and cut her head.

Family #2 - Mom, 3 kids and 2 other family members. The kids were running everywhere while Mom is on the phone arguing with boyfriend about how much money he owes her. Kids were getting pop, candy, pulling out all the disinfectant wipes. Mom never noticed. I kept thinking I hope they sew up this family member soon so they can get these kids out of here. After the little girl ran passed me for the 214th time I was about to tell her if she doesn’t sit down I was going to pinch her. She was saved when the nurse came out to let them know the results of one of the other children. He had bronchitis. He being one of the kids in the waiting area touching the pop machine, eating chips and running around. They had to bring the whole family for that.

Family #3 - Mark and I. A nurse came out 3 times and called several names with no answer. After complaining to Mark about how unorganized they were the nurse comes out again. “Mary”. No answer. “Is there a Mary here?” Everyone looks around and no answer. Then she said the last name. After wanting to pinch that little brat earlier, I turned around and said “HE’S NAME IS MARK.” As Mark walked passed me he pinched me.

Pharmacy Trip - I drop Mark off at home and head to the pharmacy to get the medication. As I approach the pharmacy counter I hear crack, crack, crack. It’s one of the female workers smacking and cracking her gum. I’d normally say “Is your gum good?” But my mood was far worse. It was just very unprofessional and annoying. I was ready to jump over the counter and smack it right out of her mouth. But I controlled myself. I tried walking to the front of the store and I could still hear her. I tried to block it out. I tried talking to someone. Then I prayed for her safety and hoped they filled his prescription quickly. As I quickly grabbed his prescriptions I headed for the front door. There was the manager and another worker that I normally see every week. I couldn’t hold it in anymore. As I’m walking out the door I said, “Someone needs to tell that girl to quit smacking that gum or she’ll need one of these pills I just got filled.”

I have 6 more days of this…

I’m not sure I’m going to be able to stand the next 7 days. It’s going to take a few stiff drinks, a few pills or a suitcase. Maybe all 3. Why? Because my husband is on bed rest for the next 7 days. He injured himself. He has a pulled muscle in his upper leg, has severe spasms and arthritis.

You all have no idea what this means. He can’t cut grass, weed whack, fertilize, water the driveway and patio down. He can’t cook, do laundry, do dishes, vacuum or dust. He can’t go out of the house or take me to dinner. He can’t do anything but lay around. This is a man who never sits until he showers and goes to bed. He makes me tired watching him. That probably explains my problem.

I know the first day he may feel rested but by day 2 he will be…

And I won’t be…

Because I’ll be…

Help…help…help.  If my post are a little evil this week…I apologize now.

My Dad has always had a nickname for everyone.  Some names were associated with certain situations and other names were from who knows.  Some of us even have several nicknames.  Let’s take a look:

My oldest brother:  Hairbone (I remember my brothers friends all have nicknames and they still use them to this day. If I see one of their friends around town they will say “Hey, hows Hairbone doing?”

My other oldest brother:  Sambo, B.B.

My older sister:  Cat (Our names all start with J except her. Her first name is Catherine and her middle name is Jane which is what we all refer to her as. My Dad uses her first name or Cat. Behind her back she is Queen B.)

My younger sister:  Pook (She use to play peek-a-boo and would say pook-a-boo.)

My niece:  Uggie (She had a really ugly doll she use to call Uggie so that is what my Dad calls her.)

My nephew:  JW (First and middle initials.)

My other niece:  Gabbie (She talks and talks and talks and is probably still talking.)

As for me, I have several: 

• Jojo: (My niece’s first words - Mama, Dada, Jojo.  All the kids call me this.)
• Jo or Jod: (What my friends call me or my Dad.)
• Parkave:  (My brothers call me this.)
• Joho: (My niece & nephew named their dog Jojo so as my nephew got older he started calling me Joho.)
• Skeeter: (Don’t ask - but I think someone use to call me that.)
• The B Word:  (Yes, unfortunately this is what my sister calls me.)

How about you? Do you have a nickname and where did you get it from? I would love, love, love to hear all of your nicknames or maybe a friend or family member has a cute or funny one you would like share.

Do you remember that crabby old neighbor guy whose grass you weren’t allowed to step on let alone look at?  The predictable one who would cut grass daily. The irritable one who would get upset if the neighbors didn’t cut grass every other day.  The neighborly one who will cut your grass if you don’t because he doesn’t want to look at it.  The paranoid one who will sit in his recliner just waiting for someone to come near his lawn.  The controlling one who doesn’t let his wife cut grass in fear the lines wouldn’t be straight.  The crazy one who would cut grass at 5:00 a.m. until his wife threaten to call the police for breaking the city ordinance law.  The demanding one who wanted his wife to complain to the neighbors for raking their leaves for the first time all fall knowing there’s a north wind that would blow all the leaves into his yard.  The one who worships his grass and would rather cut grass then … well …

Yep, that’s my hunter and this is what the neighbor kids got him for his birthday.

Little does he know what I do when he isn’t around…

 Have a great day all!

My niece had a cheer competition in Kansas and myself, my sister, my mom and nephew, Jake, drove down separate from the cheer group.   It was about a 9 hour drive in which I drove 8.  We had no problems on our way down.  We had our map and directions and we arrived safely to our destination.   If there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s reading a map.  Stick me in the middle of the country (except in the woods) and give me a map and I will get myself home.  However, that isn’t the case for my sister and my Mom. 

After a long day Saturday of competitions we headed to the lounge for relaxation and a few drinks.  My younger sister and I decided we would be the entertainment and came up with a few cheers of our own.  We had a tough time getting our junk in our trunks off the ground but we sure tried.  Our cheers were a success and we now are on our own cheer team and have our own set of pom poms.

We got up early Sunday morning for the drive home after about 4 hours sleep.  After a few hours, I asked my Mom and sister to look at the map and find a different route to avoid construction that was going on near home.  After 2o minutes of no talking and them studying the map, I asked what route we can take.  They both said they weren’t sure.  There are plenty of expressways to get us home even if it’s a bit out of our way it’s better then sitting in traffic.  They are both silent.  I head for an exit and quickly pull in a Dairy Queen and grabbed the map.  I was not happy.

I take a look at the map and find many ways to get home.  So I start pointing out the different expressways. Here is our conversation:

Me:  “Do either of you know how to read a map?” 

Lost travelers:  “Yes”

Me:  “Well I don’t understand why you didn’t say take this road or that road which will get us home and about the same amount of time.”

Lost travelers:  “?”

Me:  “What if I wasn’t here and you had to get yourself home, you going to sit in 2 hour traffic because you can’t read a map?”

Lost travelers:  “?”

Me:  &*^&%^$&@

I get back on the expressway and head my own way with map in hand.  After an hour of silence I start talking and my sister wouldn’t answer.  My Mom says, “Girls, please don’t fight.”  My sister says “I’m not saying a word.” Pause and then she says, “And I quit the cheer team.”

“Hi, is Mark home?” It’s neighbor lady #1 wondering whose car is in our cul de sac.

“Hi, is Mark around?” It’s neighbor lady #2 needing Mark to come over cause the kid’s hamster is having babies.

“Hi Jody, is Mark busy?” It’s neighbor lady #3 who made Mark zucchini bread.

Knock at the door, its neighbor lady #1’s daughter. They made cookies for Mark for fixing their outdoor lighting and cutting their grass.

“Hi Jody, is Mark around?” “Ohhhh Markkkk…it’s one of your DH’s.” - Its neighbor lady #1 calling to ask if Mark saw the kids hanging out on the corner. Then they talked about the other neighbor and how they need to cut their grass. Then they talked about how the other neighbor had an unknown car in their drive all night. Then they talked about how the neighbor down the street got a new roof. I told them both, “For the love of deer, I’m glad I’m not single and your neighbor”.

Anytime Mark is outside, the desperate housewives will walk over to discuss who knows what or whom. I never really ask. I just look out the window and smile and blow him a kiss and tell him how his little DH’s love him.

The other day I decided Mark can have all his little Desperate Housewife friends. I’ll find my own Desperate Househusband. I tried befriending new guy neighbor #4 but his wife tripped over her lawn furniture trying to get to us before I had a chance to say a word.

Thanks for showing us how to be a good daughter…

Thanks for being a great wife…

Oh wait that’s not Dad this is…

Thanks for being the little league Mom and running the concession stand for all those years…

Thanks for being a good friend…

Thanks for being the best Grandma…

Thanks for being the best Great Grandma…

And thanks for being the Best Mom…

Have a wonderful day ….  Luv All of us!

& Mark said thanks for being the best Mother-In-Law…

For those of you who remember this game show you will understand the meaning of this post.  If I remember correctly, I was very young, the audience were dressed in costumes and Monty Hall would found a person and ask if they had a particular item with them.  For example; if they had a safety pin he would give them $100 cash.  They then had the choice to keep the money or trade it for what is behind curtain #?.  Could be a car or maybe chickens. 

This is some of the contents from my Mom’s - Let’s Make A Deal Purse.

Here are a few things I couldn’t resist pointing out:

1. The letter from your favorite son. Mom - this letter is from 1979.  It is time to put in the baby book. 
2. The peanut butter and crackers.  Mom - after being smashed in your purse and peanut butter all over, we do not need a snacky snack.
3. The add water to your koolaid packs.  Mom - they are really cute and all but we are perfectly capable of pulling in a drive thru if we are thristy.
4. The measuring tape. Mom - we don’t want to know.
5. The fan. Mom - this fan has seen better days.  If I recall this was purchased in Arkansas over 20 years ago.  Please refrain from pulling it out in public. We will buy you a new one.
6. The underwear in a baggie.  Mom - this advice is from the younger sister - if you get in an accident, you will not have time to use your wippies, clean up with your mickey mouse bar of soap, spray your body spray and change your underwear.

I took my Mom and niece to get flowers this weekend and when I turned around I saw my Mom had given Addison a snacky snack.  The peanut butter and crackers.  After Addison was all finished my Mom pulled out the wash cloth and washed her down.  I guess this is what you would consider a Mom-Grandma-Great Grandma who is always prepared.  

Hope all of you Mother’s had a great Mother’s Day.