Cooking Just Isn’t My Thing - Nor Will It Ever Be
When I was growing up there were 5 kids in our house. We all played sports and would come and go at different times. Between baseball, softball, basketball, volleyball, soccer, football dinner was rarely enjoyed by the entire family at the same time. My Mom was a stay home Mom and always had dinner on the table. For some reason I can’t remember how it even got there. I’d walk in and poof there it was on the table.
When I got my own apartment, it was carryout. I just had it set in my mind it was cheaper for me to eat out then to throw out all of the food a single person needs. Same applied when I moved into my townhouse. If I wanted a home cooked meal there was always my parent’s house or sisters.
When I got married, I didn’t realize how important it was for a man to have a nice home cooked meal. Lucky for me my hunter loved to cook. He just always took over in the kitchen so I haven’t really had to. But I do feel guilty about it. Ok, not all the time but sometimes. When those times arise, like this New Year’s Eve, I decided I was going to cook. I had the whole menu planned. French onion soup, salads, veggie, steaks, I wanted to make a tray of brownies and lemon bars. Pretty easy stuff. So I thought.
I started in the kitchen at about 1:00 pm. First the lemon bars, which I’ve never made. Burnt. Next brownies, burnt. They didn’t look burnt but they were both hard as a rock. Next French Onion Soup. That actually turned out really good. I know, I know a 10 year old can make the soup. Our guest were about to arrive and Mark walked in the kitchen, looked at my brownies and knocked on them, then did the same thing to my lemon bars and said hurry up and throw those away. He then took over.
Fast forward to New Year’s Day. Mark is making venison sausage. He is reading the seasoning package to me and asked how many ounces he needs for 4 lbs of meat. I am normally really good at figuring it out. But it was a long night, I hadn’t had my 3 cups of coffee, my legs were killing me from standing in the kitchen all afternoon (which I’m not use to) and without thinking said 2 cups. I go about my business and then he says for some reason this meat is watery.
Oh no!!! I am in troubleeeeee…….I looked at it again and it should have been 1/2 cup not 2 cups. With a whisper, I tell him. He said what. Oh no!!! I have to repeat it again. I say it a little louder. I knew from the look on his face what was about to happen. He was silent. I am waiting. He was still silent. He makes jerky and sausage all the time he should have known it wasn’t 2 cups. Why oh why would he ask me? But I will take the blame, go ahead and yell at me for ruining 4 lbs of venison. I deserve it. He looks at me and says, no wonder you burnt the brownies and lemon bars.
To all of my family, friends, blogger friends, my witnesses. I hereby declare I will no longer cook a meal. If you come to my house, Mark made it. If Mark isn’t home, either we are going out or it’s a carryout. I am perfectly ok with poof there it is on the table.
P.S. Mom, it is not your fault….stop blaming yourself.
January 2nd, 2008 at 8:49 am
I learned to cook when I was a kid. It was self defence. My Mom worked, and we were required to cook at least one meal a week. I loved it and still do. My sister hated cooking and still does.
Personally, I love a man that can cook. My Dad is a wonderful cook. I also think cooking is like anything else, some people love it and have a talent for it and some don’t. If you don’t, why do it?
I have to say, I’m also in favor of “poof, there it is on the table”. I just need to find someone to do the poofing.
January 2nd, 2008 at 9:11 am
Oh Jody, don’t forget the jalapeno things…The steak and soup were very good. Thanks Mark for cooking the steak.
January 2nd, 2008 at 9:22 am
Kristine, I really really wish I could cook. Even if I took a class I seriously don’t think I have it in me.
Hunters Sister-in-law, I did forget about the jalapenos but they did come out how they should of. It was just that no one liked them.
P.S.S. - I did do all the dishes myself!!!
January 2nd, 2008 at 9:28 am
Oh sorry, I just thought raw bacon was unhealthy..
January 2nd, 2008 at 9:43 am
Don’t feel bad about the brownies and lemon bars - you don’t really want to know how to make stuff like that anyway. It’s like having crack in a halfway house - just a bad idea.
I’m with you on men who cook! I actually love to cook, but my boyfriend loves cooking even more. And our kitchen is so small there’s only room for one in there. Hell, if he wants to serve me gourmet meals every night, who am I to complain?
January 2nd, 2008 at 11:56 am
Cooking has always come naturally to me so I’ve always felt sorry for those who had trouble with it - so Jody, I feel sorry for you! But don’t sweat it… I enjoy cooking but I still only take sweets or paper goods to the in-laws because they cook old-fashioned southern style (potatoes and bacon in the green beans then boil them to death and all I ever do with them is steam fresh or frozen green beans with some butter, salt and pepper or sautee them in an iron skillet with some butter or olive oil, garlic, onions, maybe some pecans or almonds and whatever seasoning looks good that day) so my Father-in-Law won’t touch anything I cook. I think it is funny, because my husband loves my cooking, and whenever my side of the family gets together they always want me to do as much of the cooking as I’m willing to do but if I take anything to the inlaws I bring it all home again!
January 2nd, 2008 at 12:16 pm
I love to cook, but don’t mind letting someone else have the honors for awhile - unfortunately, my husband only does breakfast. It is very good breakfast, but you can’t live on it forever. I mentioned in reply to your post on my blog that I have at least one really good, really easy venison recipe that you do in a crockpot. I will post it if you like. It has wine in it - that should incentive enough, right?
January 2nd, 2008 at 1:12 pm
Hunters Sister-In-Law, I thought you liked it raw.
Norcal, I will have to go peek at your mans blog and see what he has cooking. I am also not a sweet person … I like salty. Give me chips and dip over a donut.
Jenn, thanks for feeling sorry for me. Both families way of cooking sound good to me.
dlyn, let me know when you post the venison recipe and I will add a link for it.
January 3rd, 2008 at 3:03 pm
I do have to say Hunters wife, there are many things I have had at your house that are actually pretty tasty that you have made yourself…tacos, roast beef in the crock pot and that dip the girls love…like I have room to talk, when addison goes to a friends house for dinner when she gets older she is going to be really surprised to see dinner doens’t always come from a bag
January 3rd, 2008 at 5:49 pm
I can cook, but my wife laughs hysterically at me when I do, because I go strictly by the box or recipe directions and I measure out everything.
The post was very funny though. Good, good stuff.
January 3rd, 2008 at 7:27 pm
Hunter’s Sister-In-Law, Poor Poor Addy! Mark will make her home cooked meals everyday. STOP feeding her that junk please!
Arthur, I try to follow the directions on boxes but it just doesn’t work for me.
January 8th, 2008 at 6:23 pm
I actually love to cook and do a fair job at it. This year since the wife is working 2nd shift. I did turkey on T-Day, ham on Christmas, turkey again on NY’s eve. All the trimmings to go with each as well. Everyone loves my mashed taters (real) vs hers (instant). They are sooo easy to do and flavor any way ya like. My wife caaaan cook, lol, but she is like a chicken with her head cut off, in the kitchen. She always needs someone to come help her stir something so it doesn’t burn, while she is doing something else. She does come up with some tasty concoctions though. Never sure just what they are, but they do taste okay. She does crockpot very well.
Oh yeah, eggs done by her are either scrambled or yolks broken, otherwise I have to do them.
BTW- directions on the box are just a general guidelines to get the consistancy intended for the product. To get real flavor, most things require additional additives.
February 10th, 2008 at 8:25 pm
[...] that often. For those who know a little about me, I do not cook and you can read about it here. And here are a few reasons [...]