The Hunter’s Wife In a Tree Stand
Haley at The Beacon left me the following comment yesterday: What would it take to get you out hunting with your husband? A deer stand set up along the beach in Cancun?
I am always asking my husband questions. How things work, how to do things around the house, umm how to cook, how to not rip my pants when turning on the irrigation system - you know those kind of normal things. So I know if my husband ever took this girly girl deer hunting this would be our experience;
Do I have to wear camouflage?
I am NOT putting that spray-ie stuff on me nor am I using deer urine.
I didn’t know I wasn’t suppose to wear perfume.
How soon before we get to the woods?
I have to walk through there?
How far is your tree stand from here?
Is there poison oak or ivy out here?
What if I step on a snake? For the love of deer, I’ll have an attack.
Are there bears out here?
Will your stand hold all 110 lbs of me?
Is it possible to fall out of the stand?
What if I want to stretch my legs?
Something is making me itch.
Can a tick fall on my head?
I feel something in my hair.
I heard a noise.
Can I blow the grunt thingymajigger?
I hope this thingymajigger has been washed?
I have to tinkle.
For the love of deer, I broke a fingernail.
I’m hungry.
Do you have something other than jerky sticks?
Are you sure this deer stand won’t fall to the ground?
How is it hooked to the tree?
I think something bit me.
What if it starts raining?
Are you sure this MT050809067989 water-proof, breathable, dry plus laminate, mesh linear, blaze extreme, quiet pack, gore-tec, scent-lok, fleece dry plus, silent pro, buck skin deluxe, insulated zip-up parka will keep me warm and dry?
Are there other hunters out here?
Are you sure it’s safe out here?
Was I suppose to wear orange?
How soon before we see a deer?
How soon?
WHAT? I came out here and we might not? For the &*(*&^ of deer.
Is that a doe or a buck?
OMG don’t shoot it!!!!
If you shoot I’ll cry and never talk to you again.
(Crying) Take me home right now.
Can you take my picture so I have proof for my bloggy friends that I was here?
Wait I need my lip liner. I think it’s in the inside of the pocket of my blah blah parka. Oh for the love of deer, I think it fell out when I almost fell out of the tree stand.
Hmm…Cancun or hunting? I think my hunter and I would both agree.
August 14th, 2008 at 7:31 am
Wow. I’m thinking we know what your hunter would pick too. That was a long line of questioning……kind of like we were down at the police department.
I think my favorite part was the part about the parka. That was good stuff.
Arthurs last blog post..Outdoor Intentions-Raising My Kids in the Outdoors
August 14th, 2008 at 8:10 am
O.k., that made me laugh so hard I cried.
Wonderful post Jody. I think I would pay money to witness that conversation.
Kristine Shreves last blog post..Community Wednesday 8/13/08
August 14th, 2008 at 8:23 am
OMG…I can see it happening just like that except the tree stand holding all 110 lbs of you????? Who are you kidding…LOL
August 14th, 2008 at 9:22 am
I wonder if that is why my husband started putting me in my own tree stand on a different deer trail than his….
Blesseds last blog post..9 Years
August 14th, 2008 at 10:19 am
Seriously - tears coming down my cheeks right now. That was funny - and then this line came
“Are you sure this MT050809067989 water-proof, breathable, dry plus laminate, mesh linear, blaze extreme, quiet pack, gore-tec, scent-lok, fleece dry plus, silent pro, buck skin deluxe, insulated zip-up parka will keep me warm and dry?”
I couldn’t take it anymore and just about fell out of my chair! You’re just dang funny, Jody!
Tom Sorensons last blog post..A Lucky Man
August 14th, 2008 at 12:29 pm
You had me laughing out loud with this one. I feel like we’ve had a tiny peek into the internal monologue inside your head, and I’m scared.
(And totally jealous about the 110 pounds thing.)
August 14th, 2008 at 12:59 pm
Yes 110 lbs! Just ask my sister.
August 14th, 2008 at 2:31 pm
Ok, I thought the 110lbs thing was funny too. NOT that you don’t look it because you still are skinny. I thought Jer’s comment was funny! I knew that someone in your family would bust you out on that one!
August 14th, 2008 at 2:32 pm
Ok Sue, thanks for being my BFF.
August 14th, 2008 at 2:51 pm
We may be cut from the same cloth after all
I often tell Grizz if it weren’t cold, or early in the morning, or dark, or wet, and if I could get up and move around and have a bathroom, and……..
I might be interested LOL
markys last blog post..Fro Me to You
August 15th, 2008 at 9:55 am
Hmmm, Cancun ,huh? Best wishes for your trip.
Loved the post! Envious of the tree stand.
CDGardenss last blog post..Geese In The Mist
August 20th, 2008 at 4:45 pm
OMG, that was hysterical.
No, really, hysterical.
How long did it take you to write that?
How long?
Did the tree stand fall?
If so, how far?
What about the tick, you never said whether you DID get a tick?
Did you ever go tinkle?
Where?
What kind of perfume was it?
Did it rain?
Did the MT050809067989 water-proof, breathable, dry plus laminate, mesh linear, blaze extreme, quiet pack, gore-tec, scent-lok, fleece dry plus, silent pro, buck skin deluxe, insulated zip-up parka will keep you warm and dry?
Was it blaze orange?
Did the Hunter shoot the deer?
How big was it?
How big?
He’s lying.
What color was the lip liner?
Did it clash with the camo?
Big props on a wonderful post.
August 21st, 2008 at 10:11 am
Jon, lol. I might have to post that.
August 21st, 2008 at 8:52 pm
What can I say, you gave me great material to work with!
August 23rd, 2008 at 9:17 pm
[...] let Community Wednesday go by without pointing it out. Jody at The Hunter?s Wife has written a terrific post that made me laugh so hard I cried. It?s all about her imagined first trip to a tree stand. If you [...]
April 14th, 2009 at 9:54 pm
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